love centered

August 3, 2011

don’t be a dick

it’s so easy to justify the reasons why we say or do mean things to the people around us. the justification that i’ve been using lately is “i love everybody but i don’t have to like them” and then i say whatever mean comment that happens to be floating around my mind. yes, i don’t have to like everybody; but i also don’t have to be a dick about it. love is a choice, and not one that i’ve been making very often lately.

if negative action is driven by fear, then what is it about the world and everyone in it that i’m fearing right now? this fear and negativity is having verbal, emotional and physical effects.  i’ve noticed that since i’ve been so negative, i’m not as happy and i’ve added a little padding ’round the middle. i’ve been coming from a place centered in fear and not love. that’s no good, since love is the key to happiness, in my mind.

practicing love toward strangers who wear purple spandex pants, stained concert t-shirts and hiking boots at mal-wart makes it easier to practice love towards the people we actually know and ultimately ourselves. and if we can love ourselves, then we have nothing to fear. 

so from this point forward, i vow to stop being a dick and recenter myself in unconditional love. looks like i need to take the 21 day challenge again!

what are you fearing right now? and how can you apply unconditional love to turn that fear into happiness?

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June 16, 2011

self confidence

i firmly believe that the way in which we speak to or about others directly reflects the way we feel about ourselves.

so if you’re pointing out all the negative aspects of others, you should probably take a good hard look at the way you feel about yourself.  jealousy often denotes knowledge (whether conscious or subconscious) of a lacking on your part. perhaps you should rectify it.

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May 17, 2011

self-kindness

would you walk up to a random stranger and say something rude? for example: “jeez you’re a fatty!”

no?

then why in the hell would you say something like that to yourself?!?!

i wonder what our world would be like if we treated ourselves with the same respect that we give to strangers. what if we even extended that respect to include kindness? what if, instead of looking in the mirror and saying things like, “man, i’ve got to get rid of this spare tire,” we said kind things about ourselves?

“i have fantastic cheekbones!”

“my eyes really do sparkle :)”

or what if we just smiled at ourselves?

try it and see how it starts your day!

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May 15, 2011

the human condition

the human condition is to crave affection and love. and often the way we express affection is the way we understand it best. so it stands to reason that if we are shown affection in the way we express it, we will feel loved, confident and secure about ourselves, the people we love, and our relationships with those people.

for example:

i leave notes. i leave notes full of flowery words of love. i love to tell people the good things about themselves. i love to tell people that i love them and why i love them. some people are harder to do this with than others (my dad) but when i do say it out loud to them, it means even more to me.

i also love to be in close physical proximity of the people that i love. i’m a total hugger. oh yeah, i’m that girl ;) if i’m with a friend who is in pain, it breaks my heart when i am unable to pet their shoulder or squeeze their hand to show solidarity. or when there’s a celebration, i love to hug and sometimes a smooch on the cheek! when i’m with a significant other, i’m constantly touching them if i am able; playing in their hair, rubbing their arm, burying my feet under their behind… it feels like home for me.

and when i receive those expressions back, i feel a deeper level of connection and love with whomever is giving them. it’s not that i absolutely need those all the time in order to feel loved. i could go without them. in fact i have gone without them and i still know that i am loved. cerebrally. i know that when a friend buys me a pitcher of beer or when a loved one fixes my computer for me (thanks babe!!!), that i am loved by that person. but my emotional love receptors kick into overdrive when i receive affection in the way that i express it.

perhaps you like to do things for your loved ones; you’ll fix their broken pipe or change the oil in their car.  i bet you’d feel uber loved if a loved one fixed your easy chair for you. you know, the one that hasn’t reclined in a couple months because the lever’s broken and you haven’t had time to fix it because you’re busy doing things for everybody else…

take action:

if you’re feeling a little low, take a look at the way you express affection towards others and

  • express it towards yourself
  • find creative ways to let others know that, at least for a little bit, you would like to have affection expressed toward you in *this* way

if you notice a loved one is feeling down, take a look at how they express affection towards you and reflect it back to them. hold up a mirror :)

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May 11, 2011

i love it when

i love it when you reach for me.

when you tell me that you love me, it means more to me than you’ll ever know.

i feel safe and loved when you gather me into your arms for no reason at all.

arguing with you, about anything at all, is one of my favorite things to do.

every time you touch me, it (still) takes me by surprise.

i love that you hold me accountable for my words and my actions; i love it when you bring discrepancies to my attention.

i feel protected when you rest your hand on the back of my neck when we’re out and about.

planning and scheming with you, about anything (even things we can’t yet have), reinforces my confidence in you and “us”.

it breaks my heart every time i upset or disappoint you.

i love that you challenge me to “walk my talk” about living a love centered life. you just might not know that/when/how you’re doing it.

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March 19, 2011

opportunity to love

i find myself telling people, lately, to let stuff just roll off their shoulders. i wonder if i need to take my own advice? i’ve been telling people that humans are naturally selfish assholes and we cannot take it personally when their ass-holiness is directed at us. it’s especially true in a place like nevada, where self-centered indulgence is an integral part of the social norm. everybody’s in it for number one. regardless of the surroundings, even the most pious of people have a motive. and it usually has to do with furthering one’s own agenda.

but no matter what anyone says or does, or just how inconsiderate or mean-spirited; they are only human. and yeah it hurts, but every day we have a chance to love anyone who strays into our path instead of fear, hate or resent them for what they do. because if they’re lashing out or being nasty, they probably need and deserve more love than what they’ve been getting.

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March 1, 2011

what is the best that could happen?

i don’t know about y’all, but i have a tendency to look at situations from a fear perspective. a famine perspective. a “there won’t be enough: money, time, success” perspective. i think about all the things that could go wrong. i think about all the money i’ll be wasting if i go down that path…

but what would happen if i stopped feeding that famine mindset? what if i let go of my false sense of control and was open to the unknown? what would happen if, instead of thinking that everything will go awry, i asked myself

WHAT IS THE BEST THAT COULD HAPPEN?!?!

and then prepared for that?

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February 26, 2011

great love

“We cannot do great things; only small things with great love. “ Mother Teresa

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February 21, 2011

How to Practice Forgiveness

my friend Tammy is a happiness guru ;)

For me, forgiveness doesn’t mean I’m excusing unacceptable behaviors. It’s something I do for myself, not for the person who hurt me. Interesting, research has shown that forgiving people are happier and healthier and are less likely to be depressed, anxious, neurotic and angry.

via How to Practice Forgiveness.

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February 19, 2011

love from a distance

attachment can lead to loss, so choose yours well.

i’m learning that letting go of people i either can’t have or who add stress to my life is not a bad thing. and, of course, these are people that i love dearly. yes it makes them mad when i do it because they don’t understand that i’m trying to move forward with my life. i sometimes even get called names.

i went through a people purge once before. iff’n you’ve followed my other blog, you may have even read about it. it was during my huge downsizing effort. that depurate effort was much easier than this though. most of the people i let go of then were people that i loved, but didn’t like. it’s so much easier to release people you dislike! all you gotta do is say “see ya, sucker!” and move on.

this time is different. releasing people i love AND like is like cutting away the pieces of my skin that they’ve become a part of, and handing it back to them. weird analogy, i know. but every person that i love and like find a place under my skin. they become a part of me. a part of my life. some have been there much longer than others, and some have only been there a very short time. but it hurts the same either way.

and before, the main reason i cleansed my life of people was because they were not adding value. at all. but how do you let go of people who do? i suppose i’m weighing just how much value they’re adding and deciding if it is enough to sustain a relationship with each person. some add tons of value to my life, but it’s not the right time or space to continue being attached to them. some added value but it wasn’t enough to merit a continuance of the relationship.

in the end, i have to decide that i love myself more, i guess, and just love these people from a distance.

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