love centered

February 15, 2011

i bet you wanted to be a princess

about 2 years ago (give or take), I was driving down the road with my ex-husband just talking about child hood dreams and things of that nature. all of a sudden he looks at me and says:

i bet you wanted to be a pretty princess when you were a little girl.

it was such a simple statement. and i started bawling. he was so bewildered. he thought he’d hurt my feelings. really what happened was that he had touched on a nerve that was neglected and raw. i said:

yeah, i always pretended that i was a princess and my mom was a queen and that she only had to leave to go rule some faraway land. i always dreamed that someday she’d send somebody to come get me and i’d live happily ever after soaking up her time and attention.

i had a hard time figuring out how to write this post. what is the point of telling this story?

throughout my life i’ve built fences and walls around my emotions so that nobody could see or get at the real me and so that i wouldn’t have to deal with the little hurts (or the big hurts). i keep myself distant from others so that i won’t have to “owe” anybody anything and i always try to keep things even. i have a hard time accepting gifts and letting anybody spoil me is almost out of the question.

moving away from everything i’m used to has been such a healing experience. my best friend probably thinks i’m the biggest cry baby ever. it seems like we start every day with a sob session. yeck! but i feel lighter. all these things are bubbling to the surface and i’m releasing them. learning to express my emotions and letting others do for me simply because they want to is still a tough one but i’m getting there. and there are plenty of people i wish i could have met after the healing process truly begun.

what am i trying to say?

those of us who look tough just want to feel valued, respected and loved. sometimes it just takes time to peel back the layers of callouses that have built up.

it’s ok to let go, love yourself, experience emotions and heal. and if you’re worried about showing it, listen to your favorite “pick me up off my face” album and bawl your eyes out :)

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February 13, 2011

forgiveness as a doorway

i had a conversation with a dear friend a while back. we were talking about how we’re all damaged in some way.

him: …I am a piece of work

me: who isn’t? we’ve all been used and damaged in some way. for some of us it started when we were children; others, just recently… all anybody can do is accept the damage that has been done, because you can’t change it, and move forward in Unconditional Love. that’s how we put the pieces back together.

forgiveness is so amazing. and really forgiving others is a moot point. if you truly want to move forward you have to forgive yourself for letting everybody else affect you. you have to forgive yourself for your reactions to them. and you have to forgive yourself for being human. everything is experienced on the personal level. if you let go of the damage you do to yourself, the damage everyone else tries to inflict upon you doesn’t even matter.

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February 11, 2011

Spelling out Unconditional Love

Spelling out Unconditional Love.

So what might be one of the paths to unconditional love? It’s killing expectations. And just focus on giving out love.

Unconditional love shouldn’t be about being a martyr or an idiot. Once you think unconditional love’s like that, that’s the time you have stopped loving unconditionally. For you are already expecting something.

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February 7, 2011

verbal vomit

i love this picture! it reminds me that all people are worthy of Love and not just the “righteous” because everybody believes that their actions are right.

since i’ve been here in nevada, i’ve heard people vomit such words of hatred about the whores in the cat-houses, the strippers, the gamblers, the miners, the pipe-liners, and a myriad of other people. and it saddens me because the people throwing this hatred around only fear the very people they claim to “know.” but they don’t know them at all. they assume these people are all the same, have the same story and same history…

does any one person deserve love any less that anybody else regardless of their actions? most of the people on this list do what they do either out of Fear or some level of insanity. of course, some of these people really do need to be kept away from the population in general, for safety reasons. but in the end, we’re all just glorified animals. some of us haven’t figured out how to exercise restraint and decision making.

who deserves Love more?

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February 5, 2011

Ordinary Courage

Rage is so much easier than grief. Creating fear in others is so much easier than facing our own. Cruelty and name-calling is a cheap and easy way to discharge pain. Shaming is a great way to shield ourselves from vulnerability. Blaming feels good but has nothing to do with real accountability. via my blog – Ordinary Courage.

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February 3, 2011

Dalai Lama’s 18 rules for living

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

Follow the three Rs:

Respect for self

Respect for others

Responsibility for all your actions.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Spend some time alone every day.

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

Be gentle with the earth.

Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

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February 1, 2011

let your light shine

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January 30, 2011

Kalama Sutta

The people of Kalama asked the Buddha who to believe out of all the ascetics, sages, venerables, and holy ones who, like himself, passed through their town. They complained that they were confused by the many contradictions they discovered in what they heard. The Kalama Sutta is the Buddha’s reply.

– Do not believe anything on mere hearsay.

– Do not believe in traditions merely because they are old and have been handed down for many generations and in many places.

– Do not believe anything on account of rumors or because people talk a a great deal about it.

– Do not believe anything because you are shown the written testimony of some ancient sage.

– Do not believe in what you have fancied, thinking that, because it is extraordinary, it must have been inspired by a god or other wonderful being.

– Do not believe anything merely because presumption is in its favor, or because the custom of many years inclines you to take it as true.

– Do not believe anything merely on the authority of your teachers and priests.

– But, whatever, after thorough investigation and reflection, you find to agree with reason and experience, as conducive to the good and benefit of one and all and of the world at large, accept only that as true, and shape your life in accordance with it.

The same text, said the Buddha, must be applied to his own teachings.

– Do not accept any doctrine from reverence, but first try it as gold is tried by fire.

via Kalama Sutta.